Question: What is the single most important element of any great sexual experience?
Answer: Foreplay. Every time.
Sex without foreplay is like trying to make a cake by chucking all the ingredients into a bowl at once, whipping them around for a while, lobbing the gloopy mess into a cake tin and then wondering why it stayed as flat as a pancake when you put it in the oven. It just aint gonna work. Well, OK it might work but it won’t be nearly as splendiferously amazing as it could have been.
It’s particularly important for women. Actually let me rephrase that, its’ crucial for women, and that is simply because when it comes to sex many of us take a while to really heat up. To use the cooking analogy again, men tend to be like a gas hob, turn them on and they’re hot pretty much instantly, whereas women are a bit like that old electric cooker at your Nan’s. We take a while to get going. So in the interests of better sex for all, here are some tips for fantastic foreplay.
Never underestimate the power of candlelight and your favourite music. As corny as it might sound creating the right atmosphere can really help get the juices flowing, so if you think sex is going to be on the cards at some point in the evening, light a few candles and get some tunes on the stereo. Doesn’t have to be Barry White as long as it’s something that helps you relax.
Spend some time just being close to each other, holding hands, stroking each other’s necks, arms, whatever. The chat doesn’t have to be x-rated at this stage, it’s all about connecting on that emotional level, having a giggle and zoning out the rest of the world.
As a certain ageing songstress with long black hair and silicone just about everywhere you can inject it (allegedly) once sang ‘it’s in his kiss.’ And oh how right she was. The kiss is EVERYTHING. And if the kiss doesn’t start sending tingly sensations to your love machines then the chances are the sex isn’t going to blow your minds either. So spend some time on it. Play with each other’s tongues, gently nibble the lips and vary the pace and intensity of the kiss. Oh and don’t forget the earlobes, very important.
When it gets to the ‘getting your kit off’ stage take your time appreciating each other’s bodies. Let the other person know if there’s something you like. Being admired is a pretty big turn on for most people in that the better they feel about themselves, the more likely they are to fuck with abandon. And that’s what we’re aiming for here.
Now comes the self-restraint stage. If you’ve spent the last couple of hours chatting, giggling, nibbling and stroking then you may well be gagging for it at this point, in which case off you go if you can’t hold back any longer. BUT…if you can, then this is where the magic can really happen. This is when bodies can literally start to shake with desire as you lick, suck, tease and generally bring each other to the point of ecstasy without actually having intercourse. And when your partner is begging you to get down to business, there is nothing sweeter than that first amazing thrust.
Now in all honesty, proper foreplay does take time and sometimes there just isn’t enough of it. But if it’s Friday night and there’s no work tomorrow it’s an investment that really does pay off.